


Counting my demons

by imera



Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-03-22 16:51:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3736426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imera/pseuds/imera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The boy's death was an accident, but Matt still felt he was to blame.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the weekend challenge at 1-million-words @ LJ, my prompt "I'll be counting up my demons, hoping everything's not lost." Everything's not lost by Coldplay

It was an accident, he should have seen it, or felt it, but there were too many people around, and concentrating on each person took its toll on him. He should have felt it, that there was one heartbeat not like the others, that someone was younger, far younger than the men he was fighting.

He wasn’t the one who killed the boy, but he was the reason the men were there, in the alley, shooting around them like crazy, trying to hit _him_.

He should have felt him, but he hadn’t, not before it was too late, not before one bullet hit the boy and his cry got Matt’s attention.

All the bad men were stopped, but so was the boy. Matty put pressure on the wound, trying to stop it the best he could, but no matter what he did the boy’s heartbeats faded, before they were gone.

He stayed in the dark until the ambulance came, until they found him and took him away. As he listened to the police talk about the unfortunate boy, and how they think it happened. One blamed the Daredevil, while the other defended him. No matter which side they were on, he felt just as bad.

Matt didn’t like to get drunk for no reason, but that night he went out and bought a bottle, planning to do nothing else than to drink until he passed out.

He was halfway to his goal when his door opened. He knew someone was there before, but he was too drunk to concentrate on listening to who it was. All he knew for sure was that the person wasn’t there to kill him, as he would sneak up if he was.

“I heard,” he said as he opened his jacket. Although he wasn’t concentrating on the sounds he still found himself noticing the small things Foggy did, how he behaved, how he moved closer. Foggy didn’t say anything for a while, instead he pulled the bottle out of Matt’s hands. He would have protested, but knew that even though Foggy was aware of his powers, he would not give up easily.

“If you’re here to tell me I’m not to blame then you might just as well leave.”

Foggy sighed, then sat down next to Matt. The silence increased between them, Matt could smell the alcohol, he knew just where it was, he knew the exact movements he needed to do in order to get it.

All it took was four small moves, and before Foggy could harden his grip on the bottle, Matt pulled it away from him. However, as he wasn’t in a need to escape from Foggy, as he would be with any other crook on the street, he still straddled Foggy’s lap.

Matt felt the way Foggy held his breath a brief second, how his blood rushed faster, how he licked his lips.

“Matt,” Foggy whispered. He wanted to take another sip out of the bottle, to finish it even if it made him sick.

“Matt,” he whispered a second time. That time Matt didn’t feel like drinking, instead he felt bad for the way he’s treated Foggy, for the way he lied to him, and he felt sorry for his best friend, who deserved better than him.

Maybe it was the alcohol, or the vulnerable position he found himself in after the death of the young boy, but Matt wanted comfort, and before he could stop himself he leaned down and pressed his lips against Foggy’s. He knew his friend liked him, in more ways than he let know of, he’d known for a while. However, he also knew Foggy liked girls more than boys, and as he didn’t want to ruin their friendship Matt chose to stay away.

He wished Foggy would push him away, to stop him before it ruined them, but when he felt Foggy’s hands on his arms, it was not to push him away, instead he held him,pulling him slightly closer. The kiss deepened and tongues met, Matt noticed how eager Foggy was, how he kept pulling him in until they were both struggling to breathe from the lack of oxygen.

Matt knew that if they didn’t stop they might do something both regretted. Maybe not at first, but once the alcohol had worn off and Foggy was thinking again, Matt knew there was a chance their friendship would be hurt even more than it already did, and that wasn’t something he wanted to go through, again.

Breaking the kiss Matt cleared his voice, trying to figure what to say next. First of all, he needed to move off Foggy, which he did, which Foggy groaned to. “I’m sorry,” Matt said, placing the bottle on the table, not feeling like drinking any longer. 

“Matt,” Foggy whispered, his voice groggy. Matt tried to block his senses from picking up on Foggy, knowing if he did he would be pulled in again. “I didn’t know you felt like this.”

Matt knew his answer was important to what would happen next, what Foggy would think and what they would do. “I do, but I value your friendship too much to risk it.” Foggy was thinking, that much was clear, and Matt found himself wishing he could read minds so he knew what his best friend thought.

They continued to sit like that a long time, before Foggy said he needed to be somewhere and left. Matt could stop him, but he didn’t, instead he lay there and listened to Foggy’s heartbeats until he could no longer hear them.


	2. Chapter 2

Foggy tried to act as normal as possible after what happened that day in Matt’s apartment. He accepted his secret was out, just as Matt’s secret was. Foggy knew they had to move on, their friendship was too strong for something like gay feelings or secret identity could stop it.

The first day after Matt discovered his secret he stayed away, fearing that Matt had told everyone and they were all laughing. It was a ridiculous thought, Matt would never do such a thing, and not because Foggy knew a secret as well, but because Matt wasn’t like that.

The second day he was nervous about showing up at work, worried how their first meeting would be. It wasn’t nearly as bad as he imagined and everything soon returned to normal.

Even if things went back to normal, or as close to normal as possible, Foggy could see when everything changed again, when Matt started pulling himself away. He didn’t know why at first, but then Karen informed him of the funeral for the boy. She’d been following every Daredevil story that was printed since he first saved her. Foggy wondered how she would react if she knew Matt was Daredevil.

Knowing why Matt was struggling, Foggy knew he had to do something to help him. For a brief second he thought of calling the nurse, but memories of the shared kiss between Foggy and Matt changed his mind.

As he walked over to Matt’s apartment door he wondered if he should have bought a bottle of something, but changed his mind as he was certain Matt already had something if he really wanted to drink.

He knocked, then waited.

After what seemed like forever Matt finally opened the door. Foggy stared at him, saddened by the state he found Matt in, looking like he’d just woken up. Matt said nothing, instead he left the door open and returned to his living room, Foggy followed. The room flashed of all kinds of colours from the large billboard outside, and because of that he hadn’t need to turn on the lights. Matt sat down in the same spot as before, but unlike before he was not drinking.

“Matt,” Foggy started, struggling to find the right words. “I heard about the funeral.”

“Come to tell me everything will be just fine?” Foggy wanted to, but he felt the urge to punch Matt instead.

“I’ve come to keep you company.” Matt looked at him, their eyes meeting. Foggy accepted that Matt was not like all the other blind people out there, but it was still freaky to know that Matt could see something.

He sat down next to Matt, the same spot he sat in the last time. Foggy wondered if something similar would happen again, but unlike before he didn’t have something Matt wanted, so the chance of him straddling Foggy’s lap was slim. They sat in complete silence a while, as he knew Matt enough to know he would talk whenever he was ready.

Unfortunately for him there was little he could focus his attention on in the apartment, so he ended up reading the flashing billboard.

“Foggy,” Matt said sometimes later, his voice low.

“Yes?” Foggy replied, discovering the tone of his voice wasn’t as calm as it should be.

“I’m sorry for what I did, last time you were here.” Foggy swallowed as he remembered the pressure of Matt on his lap.

“It’s fine,” he said, certain that even without his super powers Matt could still read his mind, or at least pick up on the emotions in his voice and know it was not that fine. The apartment was once again silent, and Foggy began to question if he should leave or not. He stayed, knowing he would feel awful if he left Matt.

“You know,” Matt started after what seemed like forever, his voice fell dead on his lips and the room was once again filled with the heavy silent. Foggy wanted to ask what, but didn’t want to push Matt.

Matt shifted slightly next to him, his hands clenched on his lap, his throat throbbing as he kept swallowing. 

“I know I’m not to blame, but I can’t help it, I’ve got a responsibility to this town.”

“I won’t try to change your mind about what you’re doing, I know you won’t listen.”

“I do listen.” Matt’s voice was slightly hurt, as if he was shocked Foggy would think he was a bad friend.

“I know, but you won’t stop running around in a costume, will you?” Matt nodded, and smiled, even if it was just a little. “Sometimes people will get hurt, sometimes good people get hurt, but think of how many you’re saving by taking out all those bad men, think of many innocent people they hurt. You’re saving lives, and you didn’t kill that boy, and if you’ve known he was there you would have saved him.”

“But I didn’t.”

“You’re doing far more than most people are, and they aren’t blind.” Matt smiled, his head turning towards Foggy.

Seeing him smiling a little warmed Foggy’s heart, at least he was still able to cheer him up. At that moment, as he watched Matt, he wanted to lean in and kiss him; he didn’t of course as he didn’t want to ruin everything.

“Why did you do it?” he found himself asking instead.

“Do what?”

Foggy wanted to say nothing and pretend it was a silly question, but he didn’t like feeling like a coward. “Kiss me.”

Matt’s face turned cold again, and Foggy wondered if he ruined everything by bringing up something he’d accepted would never happen again.

“I was drunk.” It was silly to be hurt by his reply, especially as he was being sincere, but Foggy couldn’t help how heavy his heart felt right then. “I’ve wanted to do it for a while, but was afraid it would ruin our friendship.”

Foggy smiled, only to blush when his body reacted to the confession. He wondered if Matt knew what was going on inside him, he’d admitted that if he concentrated he was able to hear heartbeats, was he able to hear Foggy’s right then? Matt smiled as well, he had to know what his words did to Foggy.

Unable to stop himself Foggy pulled Matt into a kiss, something the other man didn’t seem to mind as he replied to the kiss with the same excitement.

Foggy was the one who initiated the kiss, but it was Matt who moved first, twisting his way op on Foggy’s lap, his back arched as their lips were still locked together, and it wasn’t long before Foggy’s cock suffocated between his legs, pulsing as it wanted to be touched.

His hands moved down Matt’s waist, settling on his hips, he was unsure about what to do next, but too excited to stop himself. Foggy tugged at Matt’s shirt, pulling it out of Matt’s pants, then let his hands caress Matt’s remarkably soft skin. It was bruised, and he had scars, scars which Foggy knew were there, but which he always assumed came from him being clumsy when he was younger. Matt reached for the button’s by his throat, making it possible for Foggy to remove his shirt without harming Matt.

Their lips found each other as soon as the shirt was dropped on the floor, and then it was Foggy’s turn to strip. With a little help Matt was able to throw Foggy’s own shirt across the room. Matt moved back down, kissing Foggy’s lips before moving down his jaw until he was sucking on Foggy’s neck. Foggy moaned deeply, his hands falling to Matt’s ass, pulling him closer. He wondered then how Matt’s body felt against his, how Matt’s well trained body felt against his chubby body. Maybe Matt didn’t find him attractive, he’d after all never fully seen him, or touched his face; except that fiery version his special vision let him see.

Eager to feel more of Matt his hands moved between them and he undid Matt’s belt, and pants. That was when Matt pulled away and asked if he wanted to move into the bedroom or if he would want to do it in the living room. Foggy was so excited about doing it that he didn’t care where.

“I don’t know,” he said as he hooked his fingers into the waistband of Matt’s underwear.

Matt laughed, his smile sending a warmth through Foggy’s body, not that he was cold. “I still have to find the condom, so maybe it would be better to move things into the bedroom.” Foggy didn’t care, but he accepted Matt’s reason anyway.

Standing up he followed Matt into the bedroom, fighting the urge to push him against the wall and kiss him some more.

Inside the bedroom Matt pulled out a condom, then faced Foggy and asked who should wear it. Foggy swallowed, then tried to calm his breath until he could speak normally. “If you won’t mind it then I would love to.” It was a lie, he dreamt of fucking Matt since he first fucked that boy in college, but he knew it was foolish of him to fantasize of someone who he was certain was straight so he accepted it was a foolish dream.

They then stripped, then they kissed their way to the bed, flesh grinding against flesh. Foggy didn’t know how long the kiss lasted before he dared move a hand between Matt’s legs. Matt was tight, but not painfully tight.

“I’ve got some massage oil in the night stand,” Matt informed Foggy.

Foggy released Matt and reached for the oil, opening the bottle, but stopped himself from oiling his fingers as he got another idea. Grabbing Matt’s legs he pushed them wide and moved down between them, his tongue darting out to the hole which he’d often fantasized about. Matt’s response excited him, and pushed him to do more. Moaning and wiggling, Matt fisted the bedsheets as he begged for more. Foggy continued to lick and fuck Matt’s ass with his tongue until he was satisfied, until Matt was all wet and ready.

Foggy put the condom on and then reached for the bottle of oil, wanting to be sure Matt wouldn’t hurt more than he already did. Foggy positioned himself between Matt’s legs, guiding his cock towards Matt’s entrance, struggling to breathe as one of his deepest fantasies were about to come true.

Matt moaned, Foggy moaned, and as soon as he was buried deep inside Matt he didn’t want to move, afraid it was all a dream. He had to, of course, and it was just as amazing as he imagined it to be. He tried to take it slow, to savour every moment, but he wasn’t strong enough to stop the urge he had to fuck Matt until screamed Foggy’s name, or at least screamed from the pleasure.

Before he knew it they were moving together in the same pace. Foggy thrusted his hips slightly harder each time he entered Matt’s amazing ass, unable to hold back the groans as Matt moaned louder each time. his arms reaching for Foggy’s, holding tightly as Foggy didn’t stop.

Matt came first, grabbing his own cock and squeezing it the best he could between each thrust. Seeing Matt in pure pleasure was almost too much for Foggy, but that didn’t stop him from fucking him slightly harder and faster until he as well could feel such sweet release. The familiar sensation spread across his groin, his balls clenching, before an almost mind blowing orgasm swept through him and he groaned Matt’s name.

Exhaustion passed through him after he lay down next to Matt. He removed the condom and let it fall to the ground, trying to remind himself he needed to remove it once his body was once ready to move again.

Matt shifted until he lay closer to Foggy, resting one arm across Foggy’s chest. The position was slightly awkward so Foggy shifted so Matt could be the little spoon. Wrapping Matt in his arms he let his body relax.

He could have fallen asleep, if it wasn’t because Matt was holding his arms tightly. It didn’t hurt, but his actions made Foggy aware of the fact that Matt was still hurting because of the boy.

“If you want to talk about it I’m here.” It was a stupid thing to say, or it felt so after what they went through, but Foggy cared about his best friend, and he didn’t want him to hurt more than necessary. “If you want we could go there and put flowers on his grave.”

There was a long silence, but then Matt admitted that might help, so they agreed to go to the graveyard after taking a nap, as they were both tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately this story does not have a major plot, except hurt/comfort, so I'm not certain what to do with it. I might write another chapter to wrap it up, as I'd hate to leave it like it is, but I can't imagine it going on for chapter after chapter, not at this point at least


End file.
